"This is the last time I come here." I sighed, pulling my shirt over my head before glancing over at the man lying in bed next to me.
"You said that two weeks ago Hayley." Josh mumbled into his pillow, eyes closed and voice thick with sleep.
"I'm serious this time though." I groaned, throwing my legs over the side of the bed so that my feet were planted firmly on the ground.
"And you weren't the last time?" Josh asked, sarcasism evident in his voice as he rolled over in the bed so that he was now facing the ceiling.
"This is wrong Josh." I snapped, glancing over my shoulder to glare at the man lying a few feet away from me. "This is wrong."
"You don't think I know that?" Josh groaned, placing his hands over his face before a deep sigh left his lips.
"This relationship, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, is toxic." I sighed, standing up and walking over to the corner of the room where my pants were laying.
"It is." Josh agreed, turning his head to look at me with a sad expression on his face. "We need to end this Hayles."
"I know." I nodded, pulling my jeans up my legs before I grabbed my shoes from across the room. Josh slide out of his bed after pulling on a pair of boxers that rested on the floor. Running a hand through his dishelved hair, Josh let out a quiet yawn before walking over towards me.
"This is going to be the last time I do this." Josh whispered, placing both hands on either sides of my face before placing one last kiss on my lips. Pulling away, I sent Josh a small smile before picking up my bag from the ground. Turning back to look at Josh, I searched his eyes for something, anything that would make me change my mind and just give into this feeling I get whenever Josh and I are in the same room. However when I looked into his eyes, I frowned when I saw a mixture of pain and relief that washed over the brown of his eyes.
"I'll see you around?" I asked, sliding my purse higher up on my shoulder with a slight shrug.
"Eventually." Josh chuckled, his eyes distant and dim as he lead me towards his front door. "Have a nice life Hayley."
"Bye Josh." I whispered, watching him close the door behind me before I started out on my walk home.
The fall breeze pricked at my exposed skin as I brought my leather jacket tighter against my skin. My cheeks were pink from the cold but at that point I could care less about the temperature of the air around me. At that moment, all I could do was think back to the pain in Josh's eyes and the fire that settled deep in my stomach the night before. I shivered slightly at the memory of the past two months. The constant heartaches, the passionate make ups, and the low feeling of knowing how destructive our relationship actually was.
Shaking my head, my red bangs fell into my eyes as I continued my treck back home. My hand ran over the back of my neck, my numb fingers brushing over the patch of ink behind my ear that would forever be a constant reminder of the realtionship that Josh and I shared, Shoving my hands into my pockets, I continued to walk through the piles of leaves scattered across the sidewalk, in hope that by the time I returned home I would no longer crave the touch of Josh's fingers against my skin. Closing my eyes, I could easily recall the feeling of his lips against my neck and the way his fingers would trail down my spine in effortless dance as we drifted off to sleep after a round of sex that I would usually start.
"You're done with him Hayley." I mumbled, reminding myself that it was time that I found a way to move on before I allowed him to crawl back into my life for the last time.
Josh and I had this relationship that would be pefect one day and then the next day, it would crumble with a few words and a string of actions that neither of us could take back. He was my poision, but for some reason everytime we broke up I would find myself crawling back into his arms, even if it was just for the night. I think it's because I live off the feeling of being loved, and without Josh's promise of loving me in my ear, I don't know what to do with myself. When we are seperated, I spend most of my time watching sappy movies with a pencil and piece of paper in my lap, and with a plate of chocolate chip cookies next to me. Josh was the reason behind my love songs, as well as the influence behind my break up ones.
Arriving home later that day, I slipped inside my open door and threw my keys onto the counter before walking into the living room. Lying down on the leather couch, I closed my eyes with a yawn before I started to doze in and out before I was jolted awake by the sound of my cellphone. Grabbing my phone off the table, I glanced down at the text message that illuminated my screen before rolling my eyes at who sent it to me. Ignoring the text message, I closed my eyes once more in attmept to go back to sleep when another beep prevented me from doing so. Groaning loudly, I read the new text message from my mother once more before standing up and snatching my keys off the counter.
I ran into my car and turned on the engine before speeding down the street, insulted with how my mother thinks that she would tell my how to live my life, who to love, and how I should behave. Deciding that I've had enough with what my mother and friends thought about me, I pulled back into the familiar driveway that I was just earlier that afternoon and ran to the front door of the white house. As I knocked on the door, I recognized that familiar urge that I had felt just last night and the night before.
And when Josh opened the door, I realized why I always found myself coming back to him. Josh was home, Josh was safe, and most of all Josh was love. Smiling brightly, I brushed past Josh and started the familiar route to his room without a single hello or greeting.
"Come right in." Josh mumbled, closing the door behind me before following me to his room at the end of the hall.
Sitting down on Josh's bed, I kicked off my shoes before sliding off my leather jacket and tossing it into a pile of the floor. Josh looked at me with wide eyes before raising his eyebrow at me. "I thought you said that last night was the last time I would see you for a while."
"I lied." I shrugged, lifting my t-shirt over my head and peeling my jeans off my legs.
"One more night then?" Josh mused, walking to his side of the bed slowly before removing his own shirt.
"I don't want just one more night Josh." I sighed, crawling underneath the covers as I waited for Josh to join me in his bed.
"Oh really?" Josh questioned, sliding into the bed next to me as he rested his head in his hand.
"I want many more nights with you." I whispered before kissing him softly on the lips. "I love you."
"Love you too Red." Josh chuckled before lying down and pulling me into his chest. "We'll make it this time."
"I know we will." I smiled before I could finally fall asleep without that aching feeling in my chest.
And I know I've said this a million times
But I'll only stay with you one more night
Oh baby give me one more night.